Wednesday, July 20, 2005

I did it!

It really took me sometime to finally do it. My fingers were cold, my body shivered. My heart raced like I've just completed a mini-marathon. I read and reread. Ops there were a lot of grammar mistakes. I re-write and made another four printouts. I put it in envelopes and wrote all the names requird on each of them. I started on the fifth floor, dropped one on the in-tray and another handed over to the secretary. Went down to the fourth floor and gave the rest to "him". Stood there and answered a few questions with phony smile plastered on my face. Then the last but not the least, to the man sitting there, who would every morning hand over my share of assignments.

Yes! I finally did it! I finally handed over my resignation letter yesterday.

It came as a surprise to some, but most of my colleagues knew I am leaving. But, nobody really believed that I would actually do it. Done. I myself still could not believe that I even have the courage to finally hand over my resignation letter. What am I going to do next? How would I survive?

You see, "Without a plan, goals are merely hopes and dreams.." yep! that is me. But mine is more on no back-up plan. I quit without any back-up plan. Gosh! Sometimes nope most of the time I feel like Im jumping into the pool heads on. The bad news is - I don't even know how to swim!

My next desk neighbour called me determine. She said when I decide to be lazy, I can be REALLY lazy, but when I had decided to do something, I would set my mind and just do it. Is that me? Do I have that trait? Because what I do know is, I can be very hard headed. Has it got to do with the way I was brought up?

When I was little, I would pester my dad if I want something, let say a toy, a study table, a bicycle... and my dad, a man with vision, who would never disappoint his little girl, would buy - a RM2 toy, a sturdy ugly-looking study table that can last for 20 years and a bicycle that can carry Yusni Jaafar at the back-carrier seat. I guess in a way, these "training" by my dad had toughen me up, physically (of course after years of cycling that big black bicycle) and emotionally (err..). Of course to a person who would like to day dream how her new bicycle would look like, I was very disappointed to see a big black mass of steel called bicycle in front of the house. So, I grew up thinking that if I want it done my way, I have to do it on my own.

Was I a troubled kid? I have to ask my mom about it. A troubled teenager? Well my Sijil Berhenti Sekolah said Im a so so student. A troubled adult? Ah... I have a feeling I am since the songs that I like have "troubled lyrics". You know what they say - Hanya Manikam mengenal Permata - or something like that. Right after I finished school, I want to lead my own life. I want to be independent, I want to earn my money so that I don't have to depend on my parents for pocket money. I hated the idea that I have to stand the interrogation just for mere RM10. So, when I got my first pay as a sales promoter for a certain sports product, I was brain-less. I have RM400 in my hand and my mind went blank, did not know how to spend that money. My hands were itchy to buy something - anything. Yet, I don't know what. I was so spoiled with the folds of the RM50s in my hand. Well, it just took me a few hours, after that it was "belanja kawan-kawan", treat my family with another makan and bought a pair of new socks. By the next month, I am an expert of spending money already.

If I can visualise my brain and transmit it to a satellite tv, it would look like two fish going bonkers in a tiny glass tank...


I know I promised to blog regularly. That rambling about anything should be a therapeutic instead I broke my promise and failed to update my blog. Cheh!

About two weeks ago, I was car-less. My road tax expired and was too lazy to renew it, of course was also "kopak" to renew the insurance too. So, to simplify things, I took our famous public transport to work. From home I took the feeder bus to the LRT station, took the LRT to Bangsar and the last few kilometres to the office, I walked.

After so long of driving alone and hate the idea of car-pooling, I totally forgot the experience of taking public transportation in the capital city of Malaysia. How I missed taking the bus when it is full with school children. The "tungkik" smell during the evening rush hours in contrast with "toilet freshness" of too much parfum spray in the morning. But, one thing I had observed and still do was Malaysian still prefer to daydream, staring aimlessly or thingking too deep (tido ler) instead of reading the free Sun newspaper. Well, we are still way back in reading culture I guess.

I love the one-kilometre walk from the LRT station to my office. Watching the turtles (tung-tung, tortoise - I don't know which) swimming in the murky pond near the TNB HQ, the homeless guy who was always sleeping on the bench at the bus stop and yeah! Almost got mowed down when crossing the street.

Overall, I did enjoyed my ride on public transports. I had my Touch and Go and I can stop at any stations. I can go to buy books at KLCC or makan Mc Donalds at Ampang Park. I enjoyed the banter between the school children, listening to ramblings, rolling my eyes at "budak sekolah" couples who just can't wait to grow up and others who just still enjoy being school kids in school uniforms.

I found it more relaxing taking LRT and bus or even walking to office rather then driving although the air-conditioning in my Proton Wira Aeroback 1.5 Automatic is still working full blast and with a full basket of tapes (no CD, still old tapes) to entertain me.

Now, I have renewed my car's insurance and road tax. I am no longer car-less. The car is no longer collecting dust at the level 15 of the parking area. I am now too mobile that I can just start the engine and go anywhere I want to go (within M'sa jer la).

I miss my public transport.