Saturday, August 20, 2005


Born Salzburg, 27 January 1756; died Vienna, 5 December 1791.

Tak ada apa sebenarnya aku nak tulis pasal Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart or christened as Johannes Chrysostomus Wolfgangus Theophilus Mozart, cuma aku terjumpa balik gambar yang aku ambil sambil berdiri di atas "walk of fame" di Vienna, a few months ago.

While standing on that star, I was thinking. What kind of man Mozart was. I know that he was a genius. Well he wrote sonate, symphonies, sonatas, operas and such. Needless to say he was one of the world well known geniuses. Tapikan... actually, I was never into classical music hehehe. Some people say classical music is soothing, yes. It makes me sleepy. I need beat, not too hard. Rhythm so I could tap my fingers along. No, don't give me Punk, it made my head hurts. Heavy metal just not my cup of tea. Rock is okay. Just Rock Me Amadeus!


Im in that kind of mood again. The mood which strikes once a year. That No Feel Mode time.

A colleague said that I hardly smiled these days. Why?

"I don't see you smile lately. In fact, not even angry. Okay, maybe except last week when you were told to go to Shah Alam, last minute. Why?" She asked me.

I looked at her. Raised my shoulder. I don't know laa..

Yep, lately I noticed my lips failed to make any curves - be it negative or positive - no Anjal Tidak Sempurna. It is perpetually Anjal Sempurna - a long horizontal line across my face.

For a person whose life is mostly ruled by her turbulent emotions, this no feel mood is like a sabbatical period. A time where I, as the rental of this imperfect human body do not feel any emotional feelings toward anything. No happiness, no anger, no curiousity, no sad feeling.. but only a feeling of contentment. I am so content, so relief that no other emotions merit any showcases up front.

I guess my picture of the Star Of Amadeus summed up my feelings today. Standing on top of a star. Alone. Not feeling exhilarated but just contentment.

She tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Smile la sikit, your face won't crack. I promise..." She smiled at me. Encouragement.

I looked back at her. A quirk of lips. Small.. and getting bigger. Yes, I feel my muscle stretch. More. The miracle of muscle. It did not crack. Yeay!

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