Friday, May 13, 2005

home alone

Am off again today and done all the chores I needed to do. I've done my banking last nite, dirty laundry and house chores, yesterday.

There are lots of pros and cons when your off days fall on weekdays - the pros, you can do your posting, shopping or banking (though now its not necessary because there are lots of internet banking or machines available 24hrs).

Meanwhile the cons are that you can't go out with your friends as they are all working. So yesterday, I was left with myself to entertain me.

And because everything had settled, I decided to lock myself inside the house but venture out through the multi windows on my laptop. As usual I found a lot of interesting things on the pop ups. Hmm...

A friend emailed me and vented out her frustration how she was pestered to get married, not by her parents mind you, but by her aunts, her email;

"tak taulah Ny, my auntie kept pestering me with questions like when
are you getting married and settle down. On top of that, I've been
constantly accosted by my married friends wanting to set me up with somebody.
Why can't they just leave me alone? One day, I will get married but it will not
be for anybody's sake but mine"

Duh! Heavy stuff I tell you.

In the society where she grew up or even our society now, although they claimed to be modern and broad minded, they are still very conservative when it comes to women and marriage. Women must behave in certain ways and get married at certain ages. They are unseen rules and regulations that women must follow, Break these rules and you are a "role model". Don't be like si anu and si anu, she is anak dara tua (spinster). She is too headstrong that is why nobody wants to marry her bla bla bla.

I wonder why nobody said that to me before?
Yes, like my friend, my aunts do pester me to get marry, but everytime I smiled at them, scooted closer to them and "senggol" (nudged) their arms and asked them to find me a good lad, they kept quite, they just gave me a smile.. it looked like a nervous smile. Why ya?

I once took up a dare from my married friend who set me up with a nice guy (dia katalah, I didn't). She kept pestering me to meet this guy. Kept telling me that he is nice and sensible. Promoting that life in marriage is a bliss. Wait until you get married, Ny, then you know how complete your life will be. Then come the children, they are joy to your heart...

So, we (the guy and I) agreed to meet at a restaurant one night. He did not know much about me except my name and I said I work in a factory (I can scare people off with just a mention of my job. It is only applicable to adults and never works with children. Children are fearless! I can yell and show my card at them but they just smiled back or giggle. Some would even laughed at my face. These children I tell you, they are brave and fearless lot!)

Okay back to the blind date. I am a factory worker meeting a senior executive working in a, suffice to say BIG company. The date went okay for the first 30 minutes I guess. Then he suddenly said to me that that I don't look like a minah karan, (well Im not sure about this. Is minah karan different from other women?). That Im too knowledgable for someone who works in factory (Aik?). I told him I do lots of office work. Ah...

Anyway, I think I've confused him enough and felt it was timely to tell him my actual occupation and as expected he became different. Defensive and aggressor(?). Out of sudden our conversation strayed into dangerous territory. Media. How damaging certain reports can do. hahaha the war has started. Assalamualaikum? Don't we all like to read about other people stories? Sansational issues? Why is it okay if it happens to other people and not to ourselves? Media just feed what the masses want to read, kalau tak takkan lah URTV tu tahan sampai sekarang? Mangga sold like juicy ripe mango and other mosquito tabloids started mushrooming here and there? Now, I attack and he defend. In the end nobody wins. Needless to say, we went our separate ways.

Well, I guess I am not as aggressive as I was before. What people think does'nt really interest me much anymore, yet it is still interesting if I can provoke a person and see him or her "latah".

By the way, my married friend who initiated the meeting is no longer married. Her husband "play three sticks" behind her back. He got a new girlfriend. She asked for divorce, he obliged. She took the kids, he never asked. She is now working to support her children. He did not even send child support.

So, marriage is not the answer to everything. It can be more than bliss yes, it can be hell. Children can be more than joy, they can be trolls! No, I am not against any marriage, children or family institution. Strong or fragile. It is not easy to find one soul-mate and doubly tough to make a relationship works. Getting married is easy but to stay married -happily, that needs a lot of work, undertanding and love.

I've read in article somewhere that career women nowadays felt that marriage is secondary after career. Modern women especially who have better pay jobs prefer to focus on their career rather than marriage. Okay, lets look at the modern woman's role despite being independent, successful, educated, professional and self sufficient if she decides to get married.

1. She has to be a wife to her husband.
2. She has to be a mother to her children.
3. She is a teacher, teaching her children between right and wrong.
4. She is a tutor, assisting with homework.
5. She is a psychologist, using her intellect in daily struggles with husband and children.
6. She is a counselor, counseling the children when a bully hits them.
7. She is a financier, budgeting the household expenses.
8. She is a chef, preparing the meals.
9. She is a baker, baking on special occasions.
10. She is a tailor, mending clothes.
11. She is a driver, ferrying the kids to and from school.
12. She is a buyer and store clerk, ensuring that all basic necessities are in the house.
13. She is a switchboard operator, answering the constantly ringing phone.
14. She is a receptionist, answering the door and receiving guests and visitors.
15. She is a waitress, feeding everyone at mealtime before she feeds herself.

hehehehe.. such a long list, isn't it?

Another friend asked why that people can be so shallow and fail to see that beautiful facade maybe the only decoration that hid a crumbling interiors, or a shabby facade maybe hiding a gem behind it?

No answer? me either.

“Paradise lies at the feet of your mother.”

No comments: